Jeremy Selman-Troytt born to ruthless and brutal glazing magnate, Josiah
Selman-Troytt, just as Josiah hands over management of Selman-Troytt Glazing
to the infamous triumvirate of John, Jonah and Jonas, Jeremy's older
siblings. From the age of four Jeremy shows an aversion to glass which
infuriates his father.
sitting at home doing nothing, Jeremy slowly begins to direct his own
education. Tentatively, but then with increasing confidence, he begins a
correspondence with the leading thinkers, scientists and political figures of
Glazing, already one of the biggest companies in England, begins a push
towards creating a monopoly in the United Kingdom. The immense wealth
produced by the company subsidises Jeremy's lifestyle and funds much of his
experimenting on the household staff he determines upon a life of scientific
research. Starts his own journal which he maintains relentlessly until his
death. Begins an intense study of himself which will absorb him for the rest
of his life. His father becomes more brutal.
first unlicensed haemorrhoidectomy.
first monograph: 'Methodology of Acute Auto-Observation'
increasingly fascinated by minutiae and the ailments of the sick,
particularly the wealthy sick. His first social relationships are with sick
and enfeebled people who seek his opinions.
considerable notoriety with his sixth publication: The First Time I Soiled
My Trousers. Many more of the ailing and confused begin to seek his
advice, even though he is without formal qualifications.
very brutal indeed.
experiments with prosthetics by carving replacement limbs from ivory.
cure for spatulitis, the uncontrolled widening of the distal phalanges of the
hands suffered by typists. His cure involves the use of thin prosthetic
finger extensions made from ivory.
first nocturnal emission and publishes an account of it. It is an instant
bestseller and his consulting practice enlarges. Encouraged, he embarks on a search
for a wife. Begins a series of high-profile liaisons. Increasingly targeted
with death threats by political and religious extremists.
Churchill consults Selman-Troytt over persistent balanitis following his
escape from a Boer prison camp and subsequent visit to a brothel in Laurenço
becomes very excited by George Oenslager's acceleration of the rubber
vulcanisation process. He produces a pair of vulcanised-rubber trousers but
they are too stiff to make walking practical.
his first involuntary ejaculation. Publishes account to critical acclaim.
Consulting practice enlarges and diverges.
first consultation on erectile dysfunction.
life-long frustration with the restrictive nature of normal
joint-articulations culminates in his first abstract thesis Speculations
Upon Improbable Joint Articulations
Grace consults Jeremy over his persistent failure to bring his wife (Agnes
nee Day) to orgasm. Jeremy suggests a new method of labial stimulation and
publishes the case as a monograph. Grace is subsequently barred from
membership of the MCC.
research pays dividends when he discovers that lanolin can soften seed pods.
personal collection of dermal flakes to the public for a two-week exhibition.
personal experience with professional research to publish Social and
Sexual Etiquette in an attempt to reduce the shame and humiliation of
Selman-Troytt dies under falling masonry. Birth control campaigner Mary
Stopes delivers the eulogy at his funeral, confiding in public that she would
have consented to congress with Selman-Troytt had he offered to wear a sheath.
work to date consists of 89 published volumes of investigation, 47 published
monographs, 24 research papers, and 35 volumes of his personal journal - a
total of some 150,000 pages of detailed observations. Statisticians calculate
that 97.83% of the observations concern himself. His manuscripts reveal that
he is close to a breakthrough in all areas of his research.
Lincoln assassinated. Failed attempts to clean the blood from his clothes
prompt new research into stain-removal agents.
Nobel invents dynamite, losing both hands in the process.
String, an American, invents a high-protein mixture of peas and corn which he
sells as 'Canned Mush'. He becomes very wealthy as Americans devour it in
Rochemel (French) designs and builds the world's first mechanical prepuce
retractor. A floor-standing model, it is an instant success. He is feted all
Graham Bell (Scot) invents the telephone and uses it to call Rochemel and
order a prepuce retractor.
Edison (American) invents the record player just months after it has been
invented by someone else. The first record in history is scratched by his
Edison (American) invents the light bulb only a year after it has been
patented in England by Joseph Swan. His wealth increases.
(French) administers first rabies vaccination. It is not a success and the
patient begins to foam uncontrollably.
Edison (American) invents the contact lens only one year after Swiss
ophthalmologist, Dr Frick.
C Herbert de Melville III (American) designs a big sandwich which he calls 'Big
Sandwich'. It sells well and his wealth increases.
Judson (American) patents the zip fastener. Jeremy appeals to him to halt
production, citing potential injury to the prepuce if the zip is used in
trouser flies, but Judson ignores his entreaties saying that he has no interest
in anything other than making money. He becomes very wealthy as more things
are 'zipped' together.
publishes Jude the Obscure but readers are scandalised by Hardy's
fictional accounts of Jude's trouser soiling. They consider him to be treating
the subject with levity. Hardy removes the offending passages but the damage
is already done. Critics label the book 'Jude the Obscene' and sales
plummet. Hardy is mortified and never writes another novel.
discovers x-rays. He gives enthusiastic demonstrations all over Europe, amazing and exciting audiences with 'live' pictures of his internal organs. He
becomes the first person to die from radiation poisoning.
Vraysoff (American) invents the 'hotdog', a combination of wurst and bread. Millions
are eaten. He becomes wealthy.
There is a
rumour that Florence Nightingale will contribute her expertise on glans
sanitation to Jeremy's latest work, but she is prevented by ill health.
and Tostov at Harvard Medical School attempt to prove that impotence is a
state of mind. Under hypnosis, Surgoaad remains erect for 9 days 14 hours and
37 minutes. When he is finally 'awakened' by Tostov, he passes out.
Lydon (American) invents the 'Power Lunch', a meal that does not need to be
chewed. Americans can now eat in their cars during the journey to the end of
their driveways to collect their morning paper. It is a huge seller and he
Edison (American) discovers the proton only three months after Ernest
Surgeon General reports that obesity among US citizens now affects 68% of the
population. The US Supreme Court judges Judson's 'zips' too weak to fasten
clothes reliably. Judson loses heavily in a class-action suit against two
hundred fat plaintiffs who have suffered 'unexpected exposure'.
Office equips British front line troops with Jeremy's vulcanised trousers to
protect them on their walk across no man's land. Slowed by the
trousers, many are shot in the upper torso.
increase his fortune, Thomas Edison (American) begins work on 'inventing' a
prepuce retractor for obese people who have lost sight of their genitals.
riveted jeans sold to miners by Levi Strauss
Battle of the Little Big Horn
Park Murders take place in Dublin
Wilde (Irish) convicted of sodomy. Lumiere Bros. (French) try to buy the film
rights to the trial from Wilde's wife.
Rochemel dies quietly in Paris, his floor-standing prepuce retractor all but
cases of obesity reported among US citizens.
(French) begins writing À La Recherche du Temps Perdu. It is almost finished
in 1922 when he loses interest.
(Swiss) offers Theory of Relativity
America enters the Great War, prolonging
it by another year.