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The Selman-Troytt Commemoration
Extracts from The Selman-Troytt Papers available in print
JST Journal
Journal Notes for February 17th, 1884

I have decided to start a journal so that in this, my sixteenth year, I can begin to record the miscellany of ideas and questions that course through my brain in a single day. Always so many questions. Cook says I ask too many questions, but I am not sure. I asked father about this but he treated me to one of his prolonged silences and then struck me a blow to the chin with a muttered oath.

I am determined to begin my explorations as soon as I have research materials at my disposal. In the mean time I shall take note of the first subjects that will occupy my study:

- Why do knees bend only in one direction? Surely they would be of greater value if they articulated in all directions?

- Why does pain hurt? When I am punched how comes the pain to be there? Is it a gathering of some black humour at the site of the contusion that causes the bruise?

- Is Father correct in his assertion that wearing a pair of canvas gaiters will prevent varicose veins?


JST Journal
Journal Notes for August 17th, 1885

I have today read the most marvellous account of an extraordinary engine which has quite determined me upon a study of the genitals. I am intrigued to learn the principal correlation of the physical parts and should be fascinated to attempt an engine of my own.

Perhaps I can prevail upon father for funding?!? I am convinced that I should be able to reduce the weight considerably, perhaps to as little as 50 lbs, so that the entire contrivance should become portable. Perhaps it could be housed inside a suitcase for convenience. In that way a gentleman could carry it about his person at all times so as to have it available when required. I am so excited by this that I can barely sleep!! I shall begin some preliminary designs tomorrow. In the meantime I shall inform Fairbanks that I require his genitals for study.


JST Journal
Journal Notes for July 27th, 1893

- Another restless night, apparently. My third since records began. But I have no explanation save the possibility that I am disturbed by contemplation of my work. I am haunted constantly by the premonition of a startling breakthrough.

- Am angered beyond measure to discover that my trousers, which were sent to my tailor for lengthening, have been returned with the fly closed.

- Lunch short - soup strange but not unpleasant. Avocados producing no noticeable effect. Have issued each member of staff with 5lbs of lentils and strict instructions.


- NOTE : I discover by measurement that the circumference of my thigh (19 3/8th inches) is very similar to that of my ankle (17 7/8th inches), and that they are in the ratio 1 12/143 : 1 ... Significant? Connection with other ratios? e.g. neck to bicep, wrist to waist, etc.? Could such correlation be related to wealth, as with phrenology? Must pursue. Measure staff tomorrow.


JST Journal
Journal Notes for February 17th, 1884

I have decided to start a journal so that in this, my sixteenth year, I can begin to record the miscellany of ideas and questions that course through my brain in a single day. Always so many questions. Cook says I ask too many questions, but I am not sure. I asked father about this but he treated me to one of his prolonged silences and then struck me a blow to the chin with a muttered oath.

I am determined to begin my explorations as soon as I have research materials at my disposal. In the mean time I shall take note of the first subjects that will occupy my study:

- Why do knees bend only in one direction? Surely they would be of greater value if they articulated in all directions?

- Why does pain hurt? When I am punched how comes the pain to be there? Is it a gathering of some black humour at the site of the contusion that causes the bruise?

- Is Father correct in his assertion that wearing a pair of canvas gaiters will prevent varicose veins?


JST Journal
Journal Notes for August 17th, 1885

I have today read the most marvellous account of an extraordinary engine which has quite determined me upon a study of the genitals. I am intrigued to learn the principal correlation of the physical parts and should be fascinated to attempt an engine of my own.

Perhaps I can prevail upon father for funding?!? I am convinced that I should be able to reduce the weight considerably, perhaps to as little as 50 lbs, so that the entire contrivance should become portable. Perhaps it could be housed inside a suitcase for convenience. In that way a gentleman could carry it about his person at all times so as to have it available when required. I am so excited by this that I can barely sleep!! I shall begin some preliminary designs tomorrow. In the meantime I shall inform Fairbanks that I require his genitals for study.


JST Journal
Journal Notes for July 27th, 1893

- Another restless night, apparently. My third since records began. But I have no explanation save the possibility that I am disturbed by contemplation of my work. I am haunted constantly by the premonition of a startling breakthrough.

- Am angered beyond measure to discover that my trousers, which were sent to my tailor for lengthening, have been returned with the fly closed.

- Lunch short - soup strange but not unpleasant. Avocados producing no noticeable effect. Have issued each member of staff with 5lbs of lentils and strict instructions.


- NOTE : I discover by measurement that the circumference of my thigh (19 3/8th inches) is very similar to that of my ankle (17 7/8th inches), and that they are in the ratio 1 12/143 : 1 ... Significant? Connection with other ratios? e.g. neck to bicep, wrist to waist, etc.? Could such correlation be related to wealth, as with phrenology? Must pursue. Measure staff tomorrow.


Special Note for Web Historians
The Selman-Troytt Postcard Emporium is the oldest purveyor of E-cards on the Internet. A copy of our first Royal Warrant may be examined here. Since the granting of this illustrious award we have been patronised by aristocrats, many of whom insist upon using Selman-Troytt cards to express the depth and sincerity of their affections. Indeed many of our cards - particularly those concerned with incest and paedophilia - have been inspired by a close examination of the aristocracy.



Info on Dave McIntyre or Saj Bashir?


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